why can't i show affection to my husband
It’s hard I know. Cant wait to read it!!!! Him changing something about how he behaves towards me is totally not in the equation. I really don’t love him enough to try the 6 steps. I would desperately appreciate it if you would pls indicate as to whether there is only ever real benefit & need to separate ?? He says he loves me. I get one kiss a day. I did do my discovery call, but cant afford coaching although i would love to have it, NB, Sounds like you’re making good progress over there. My husband wants sex all the time but I feel like that’s it. I felt so lonely. Thirty years you would think would count for something. But we do not make love. Our marriage is emotionally drained. His affection to me started declining the day we had our first daughter. It is up to our husbands to set things right. But then I learned a few things and my marriage is magical again. But now I’m at a cross-roads. But RIDING on the train, blowing bubbles and sipping lemonade with my girlfriends brought all the good stuff back. I love him but I’m just tired of no kissing or affection but then feel selfish because of all he does that shows he loves me. I don’t know what to do.. no place to go. I am a combination of many of the responses above, but possibly most similar to Joyce. What is stopping me is this, and I don’t know how to gethe past it: How can I TRUST that he really truly loves me, if he can only show it when I am at my best??? Since this was years ago, I hope you were able to turn your situation around w/ your husband – or did you ultimately get a divorce? I have brought this up that it hurts and no response and still no compliments. I’ve been reading through a lot of these comments and see that most people have been married for decades, so I feel a little silly posting. I have told him I was really unhappy and probably chipped away at his manhood sometimes by putting him down in this area, but I’ve tried to get better at that. My husband isn’t necessarily demanding with his desire with sex, however, he is rather demanding on exploring more ways to have sex lately in the past year. I take very good are of myself and am in good shape, etc and never received not one compliment. We have 4 kids (2 biological & 2 adopted), we run a business together and have been through MANY ups and downs over the past 23 years. It seems that once we marry… have children… we lose that. What do I do. “Letting him talk without correcting, suggesting, teaching, advising or freaking out is a very good start.”, This is a key problem starter in my house and is almost impossible to follow all the time. Thank you for that Laura. We have always tried to talk about our problems, okay I have always tried to talk to him about our problems. Accordingly, none of my sons are married today, and that is not likely to change any time soon even though 2 sons are in their early 30’s now. I feel I already do a lot of these tips but with children there is so many other issues I didn’t find in your book. I have lost the affection and respect of my husband. We mutually agreed. Hospitalized for 50 days and 3 days (comatosed) under life support system. If I made the choice to try to love him and make this work it would just be going through the motions and nothing more. I don't want to kiss him. He told me he loved me for months and how he didn’t want to get a divorce or live without me and I would ignore. It saddens me to think that I’m not able to do these things for her to make her happy, but I also resent her for feeling like the love I do show her never measures up to her needs. His family NEVER discussed problems or confrontations, typical pastor family. There are times where I have tried to talk after begging to kiss or make love and he turns it into a big attack on things that are not great about me. Every week our relationship expert, Sarah Abell, answers readers' questions on emotional issues. The ways in which our culture emphasizes looks, personal entitlement and revenge when we feel someone has wronged us these days all plays into these relationship problems. I have recently done a self discovery about how I have attachment issues (childhood neglect) and that is why I am not the “normal” person who can let go so easy and PRETEND! Are you practicing The 6 Intimacy Skills already? That is what HE does with his phone games, sports, tv, movies, games ect. It was so painful for me when my husband would rather watch TV (or do anything else) than make love to me. Deep down I know this is not who I am. Which causes me to think the worst. The real me… you know, the one who had dreams and goals and wanted to live life… and now that’s what I’m doing. If you don’t mind, I would love to know, and hear your story for inspiration. I broke down and told him how sorry I was for fighting with him. This is a really hard time, husband sayd a year ago he had had enough, but says he didn´t want it to end, but has no idea what to do, to get “it” back, so we have been up and down for a year mostly down, except for a few weeks in in mars, but suddenly he backed of again, and i got confused again, the thing is I have a really hard time believing he really wants to makes thinks work, when he does absolutely nothing, no kisses, no hugs no intimacy. He’s a really good person otherwise and this makes him sound aweful when he’s got other amazing qualities. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. I love that you want to revive the girl you used to be, the one who attracted your husband. Fortunately, when I do that, things do tend to work out! Hi Laura His big excuse he didnt feel appreciated and i was unreliable because one time i didnt pay the electric and it shut off. I’d love to empower you to jumpstart your practice of the Skills with my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. No one’s telling you to be a joker. What if hed rather watch pirn than have sex with you or he has to watch it to have sex with you or even to let you give him oral. I have to tell you Laura- your ideas are the only ones that clicked with me and made absolute sense. Sometimes it takes a little while for our husbands to get the memo that we’re showing up differently. Which is someone who struggles with expressing themselves and also finds it hard to empathize with others. The exercises helped to show us each other’s perspectives on our relationship, set goals, and plan for the future. It really hurts my feelings and I really don’t know how to deal with the constant rejection. I felt I loved him so we got married. Counseling has shown that his passive aggressive behavior has proven what I always thought was the situation, he holds years of resentment towards me. Is there any hope for me?. I don’t need roses and gifts, just kisses, touches and thoughts. Yeah. I am defintely thinking about For more tools to jumpstart getting his affection back, check out my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. I’m at the end of my tether- I’m so scared. For a while it was completely ok. I’ve always been confident and didn’t care that if I wanted affection I had to initiate it. If I can get my husband’s attention and the romance back, I know you can too! It really bothers me. We see each other rarely and not asking for attention makes him more used to it. I love my children and wouldn’t divorce unless cheating or abuse were involved, but I just don’t want my kids to think this is what marriage is. I myself am not into intimacy that much -at least not after being neglected for so many years- however this does not help my hurt feelings. I was the one going to him waking him up to have sex and it was great for him he just went through the motions and went back to sleep. Lately, he doesn’t even look at me, even if I am talking directly to him or if I try to show him something. Ever since we had kids, we show less and less affection for each other. Here’s the thing, I’ve done all the good things a wife should do and be. He doesn’t hold hands, or hug or anything at all. So there’s only me leaving or me accepting him. This shift in energies made him feel unwanted, disrespected, unloved and inadequate. Anyway, there is still a huge disconnect between us though. Laura: It is exhausting to feel like you have to be perfect to earn your husband’s love! Oh sure, there were times when he obediently hugged and kissed me, but that didn’t scratch my itch. It did not start out like that but my husband was this spoiled, argumentive brat! During my pregnancy we went 6 months without being intimate (I was too scared to make the move for the fear of being rejected). I’m from the Philippines by the way, and I will definitely look for your book here. I am a perfectionist. With the 6 Intimacy Skills, I finally got the tools to have the affection and attention I’d always craved, along with my confidence. I read a lot about “loving yourself” and “radical self-love” and I agree with the concept. We tried cuddle Sundays and it always ends in arguments because he makes excuses why he cant. Free chapter is here: I lay everything out step-by-step in this book: The Empowered Wife. I have lost my voice and want to gain it back. I will say… it is a journey and it does take daily practice. It comes down to this, either you accept the individual or you leave the individual. I can see why you feel angry and rejected, after you’ve tried so hard and nothing has worked. Zandile , thank you for the advice, I am start to do better to my husband today.I always brag ,saying bad things to my husband even telling that his not that hot guy a met long time ago , say his like a grandpa now not knowing how he feels , not even knowing that I’m disrespecting him. You are the expert on your life, so whatever works for you! I want him to come and hugs me when he runs into me in the house; he doesn’t.